ADHD - the life of me!

Man – I’ve written a post about ADHD at least 100 times.  But it never comes out good.  Trying to make something that the world sees as bad, seem good, or normal..is tough!  When I was 6 years old, I was diagnosed with ADHD, and I am not ashamed.

I struggled during school.  My mind was always wandering.  I could never focus.  When I was first diagnosed with ADHD, my doctor put me on Adderall.  Man, worst decision of his life! It was awful.  It did not help me one bit.   I really can’t even explain what happened.  I would itch so bad that I would make scabs, which I would then pick, and repeat the process.  It would take forever for my scrapes and scratches to heal because all I would want to do is pick them.  When you’re in 3^rd and 4^th grade, other kids find that very, very weird.  I’d wear Band-Aids and it was embarrassing to me.

I don’t really remember how old I was when I switched to Concerta.  I will tell you one thing though.. that pill saved my freaking life.  It was beautiful.  I would take this pill that mom gave me, and I would focus.  I could understand what my teachers were telling me, I’d be able to look at mom and really understand (for the most part) what she was asking me to do.  I was on that until I was 18.  When we lived in Mexico, that pill was not very easy to get.  It was quite expensive.  I was on 54mg (the highest mg) and they only had 18mg.  HAHAHAHA like that would work.. well mom and dad talked to me one day and we decided that I should go off of it all together.  I’d been on medication for so long, that we didn’t know how it would affect me when I got older.  I went off Concerta (during my senior year—also, kind of a bad mistake) and I haven’t taken a pill for ADHD since. 

I would try and try to explain how I felt with ADHD and I could never find the right words for it.  But then today (May 2, 2017) I found this poem on Facebook.  I have NEVER read anything more accurate.  This was and sometimes still is my life. 

A.D.H.D

Take my hand and come with me,
I want to teach you about ADHD.
I need you to know, I want to explain,
I have a very different brain.
Sights, sounds, and thoughts collide.
What to do first? I can't decide.
Please understand I'm not to blame,
I just can't process things the same.
Take my hand and walk with me,
Let me show you about ADHD.
I try to behave; I want to be good,
But I sometimes forget to do as I should.
Walk with me and wear my shoes,
You'll see it’s not the way I'd choose.
I do know what I'm supposed to do,
But my brain is slow getting the message through.
Take my hand and talk with me,
I want to tell you about ADHD.
I rarely think before I talk,
I often run when I should walk.
It's hard to get my school work done,
My thoughts are outside having fun.
I never know just where to start,
I think with my feelings and see with my heart.
Take my hand and stand by me,
I need you to know about ADHD.
It's hard to explain but I want you to know,
I can't help letting my feelings show.
Sometimes I'm angry, jealous, or sad.
I feel overwhelmed, frustrated, and mad.
I can't concentrate and I lose all my stuff.
I try really hard but it's never enough.
Take my hand and learn with me,
We need to know more about ADHD.
I worry a lot about getting things wrong,
Everything I do takes twice as long.
Every day is exhausting for me...
Looking through the fog of ADHD.
I'm often so misunderstood,
I would change in a heartbeat if I could.
Take my hand and listen to me,
I want to share a secret about ADHD.
I want you to know there is more to me.
I'm not defined by it, you see.
I'm sensitive, kind and lots of fun.
I'm blamed for things I haven't done.
I'm the most loyal friend you'll ever know,
I just need a chance to let it show.
Take my hand and look at me,
Just forget about the ADHD.
I have real feelings just like you.
The love in my heart is just as true.
I may have a brain that can never rest,
But please understand I'm trying my best.
I want you to know, I need you to see,
I'm more than the label, I am still me!!!!
~Author Unknown

Going off of my Concerta was kind of hard.  Days that I forgot to take it, I could sleep all day long. (weird I know – and yes, I understand that the word HYPERactivity is included in ADHD..) I remember when we decided that I wouldn’t take any more pills for it, I slept during school.  I’ve talked about our program in Mexico called SWAS.  Well, my teachers in SWAS were the bomb.  I told them about my situation and for 2-3 days I took my blanket and pillow and I just slept in class. (I made sure all my other classes were up to date :) I mean.. technically I was at school!

Life after Concerta, but with ADHD hasn’t been too bad.  I was so dependent on my medication that I was slightly fearful that I would start acting hyper, and speak without thinking and that the kids in Mexico would have even more of a reason to think I was weird.  Surprisingly though, it’s been good for me.  It made me take control of my life.  There are some things that I can still see that are symptoms from ADHD.  I get focused on one thing and I can’t stop thinking about it.  Sometimes it gets to the point that it just absolutely drives D nuts.  Another thing I do is I get super hyper when I get excited.  I don’t know if I’ve talked about my squeal or not.  But when I get real happy I make this high pitched squeal.  When I feel my heart start to race and when I can start feeling hyper I know that I’ll probably be “squealy”  Haha..

Anyways, if someone mentions to you that they have ADHD or that their kid has ADHD, don’t turn them away.  We’re still human.  We’re more than just a label.  :)