ONE MONTH

One month.  I can’t believe he’s a month old.  I can’t even wrap my head around it! This last month has been beautiful and scary.  I have wanted to be a mom for the longest time.  I’ve wanted to have a mini me or a mini Devin running around and I knew from watching my mom and dad raise five kids that it would be trying.  Trying.—what a good word for it. 

Our first night home from the hospital was honestly miserable.  I love my sweet boy so much.  I didn’t know I could love someone that much.  (Except his daddy, of course. But let’s be honest—it’s a different kind of love.) Devin and I left the hospital feeling terrified to let the child be left alone doing anything.  That night, that kid was held by one of us the ENTIRE NIGHT.  We took two hour shifts.  One of us would be holding him and watching TV while the other slept, then two hours later we’d switch.  7:00 AM came and I called my mom dang near in tears.  We were SO tired.  My mom and dad came and watched him while Devin and I slept.  I have never felt so defeated in my entire life.  Sleep deprivation after having a baby is no joke.

 After waking up from our much needed nap, we went about our Sunday routine as usual.  We had lunch with Devin’s family and dinner with mine.   With the time change, I knew that I was going to struggle.  We all know I have anxiety anyways—add pregnancy hormones on top of it and you’ve got yourself a hot mess!  Devin was taking a nap on the couch and I knew it was about time to go home for the night.  I was holding my little baby and I all of a sudden became so overwhelmed.  I couldn’t even breathe.  I had to hand Tanner off to my dad to hold and I went in and laid down by Devin and I cried.  Correction—I bawled.  Devin was going back to work so I knew he wouldn’t be able to help me during the night as much as he did the night before and that literally scared the bajeebers out of me.  Devin got my mom and that sweet woman offered to come and spend the night with me.  She has been such an angel with me becoming a new mom.  She and LaDawn both have.  LaDawn did my laundry and made most of our meals for us, while mom helped me get around to Tanner’s doctor appointments and slept over four different nights so that Devin and I could sleep.  I wouldn’t have been able to wake up with Tanner, feed him, change his bum, and then spend the next half hour pumping.  I would have died.

My mom was able to get sleep too while she was here (if you could call it that) by getting Tanner to sleep in his swing.  The hospital scared us when it came to where baby slept and that’s why Devin and I stayed up all night with him.  We felt he was safer in one of our arms than anywhere else.  Mom’s had five children so she knew right what to do.  She put him in his swing and he just rocked all night long.  I was going to breastfeed, but with my mom staying over and if I wanted Devin to get up in the night with him (especially since I’m going back to work) formula just seemed best.  I did pump though.  According to my dad, my grandma Bonnie could produce enough milk for an army it seemed like.  I got my genes from her!  I’ve since weaned myself from pumping and I currently only pump once a day.  Enough to give him some sort of nutrients from me. 

We went to his first doctor appointment two days after we got home from the hospital.  Dr. Rogers at Pediatrics Budge is his doctor and we just love him!  He is so great with kids.   Mom went with me to his first appointment because Devin had to work.  He did have a little bit of what seemed to be an eye problem.  Dr. Rogers recommended us to an eye doctor to make sure that he was ok.  My uncle Krey is an eye doctor at Eyemart in Idaho Falls.  They just opened an Eyemart here in Logan so my mom gave him a call and explained the situation to him and asked if one of the doctors here could look at Tanner.  Dr. Broschinsky talked with my uncle and was willing to see Tanner.  Tanner was his youngest patient at just five days old! Luckily everything is ok with Tanner.  He has some tissue that is being squished so when Dr. Rogers was looking at his eyes, his pupil looked squiggly instead of perfectly round. 

FIRST POOP CATASTROPHE:  Tanner had just leaked through his diaper.  Literally peed all over me and all over my pillow. So I went to change his bum. I was using my left hand to make sure that he didn’t roll off his changing table, and my right hand to open his new diaper. I heard his tummy grumbling and I looked down just in time to see POOP SHOOT OUT OF HIS CUTE LITTLE BUM AND I CAUGHT IT IN MY HAND. I yelled “oh sh**” (poor T heard mama swear *face palm*) Devin came running into the bedroom thinking tanner was dead or something and he saw me holding his poop and he literally fell to the floor laughing. AND HE WOULDN’T STOP LAUGHING. Like he was laughing so hard and long the poop DRIED IN MY HAND. It was so funny and so awful. So yeah... That’s our first poop story!  

We have decided that our sweet little boy is colicky.  That is not fun.  I tell Devin all the time that new babies, new moms and new dads should not be allowed to be sick!  It’s just wrong!! We’re not getting much sleep now.  We’ve changed his formula four times.  We’ve used one Similac and three Parent Choice formulas.  We think we have found one, but he still has an upset tummy.  Gripe water has been our life saver!

Tanner went on his first shopping spree with mom and grandma LaDawn!  Let me tell you, he is his father’s child.  He HATES shopping.  I had the stroller all prepared and enough formula and water to last us on our trip and you know where he ended up?  Being held by me the entire time.  He is not the shopper that I wanted him to be.  Haha!  I guess we’ll just have to have a little girl so I can have a shopping buddy!

 We are back at work.  We came back on 11/28/2018.  I had a lot of anxiety about coming back.  I just don’t want to annoy my coworkers when he cries, but after talking to a couple of them, I have to just not let that bug me.  I’m a new mom with a boss who is incredible enough to let me bring my child to work.  If she didn’t want him here, she’d tell me. 

This month has been hard and the last couple of days have been harder.  Going back to work with a newborn is exhausting.  We’re making it, but we’re exhausted.  I love this sweet boy and I can’t wait to see what happens in the next month of his life.  

Tanner William - Birth Story

Wednesday, October 24th: Elective Induction Day

This day for me was like any other day.  The week before, we went to our doctor appointment and she said that she felt totally comfortable and fine with us being induced.  A lot of people have asked why we chose an elective induction.  For us, part of it had to do with our schedules.  Devin and I both work.  In fact, Devin just started a new job--to which, he didn't want to take a ton of time off of work.  I also wanted Tanner to be born on the 25th.  I am a person who thinks deeply about some things.  I wanted him to be born on the 25th because that's the same date as his dad's birthday.  We also felt 100% fine doing it.  Where our doctor okay'd the procedure--and offered it to us, why not?  We trust our doctor and that just means we'd get to meet our little boy that much sooner! We scheduled our induction for Wednesday night at 8 PM.  Dr. McCulloch told me that where I had already started to dilate and I was effaced, (I had been at least 70% effaced since week 35) to expect a 12-14 hour labor.  Since I wanted him born on the 25th, that's why we chose the time we did on Wednesday.  Pretty much guaranteed the day we wanted! 

Devin and I both went to work like normal.  I worked that day because I knew if I was sitting at home it would just make the day go by slower.  I did leave work at about 4:00 though.  I wanted to go to Walmart really fast and then have time to come home and shower before 8:00. 

Devin came home and made me Bob's soup.  It's the vegetable soup from Bob's Red Mill. We took Aggie on a walk.  My dad came over and helped Devin give me a blessing.  I could feel myself having some massive anxiety and those special blessings always make me feel better.  Right at 8:00 I called Labor and Delivery to see if they had a bed for me.  Unfortunately for me, they did not have a bed ready.  They told me they'd call me if one became available, or they wanted me to call back in 2 hours if they didn't call me.  At 10:00, we called them back and there was still no bed.  Bummer! I was really starting to get discouraged.  Again, they just told me to call back in two hours.  Midnight came, I called.  Still no bed.  She did tell me they think that there would be a baby born in about an hour and to call back at 1:00 AM.  I called and she said that they want me to call at 5:00 and that where I was the only one scheduled for Wednesday night, I was first in line Thursday morning when there were more nurses/beds available.  We slept for a couple of hours and at 5:00 we called.  They told me that they had a bed and it would be available at 6:15 AM! We were so relieved!  Devin showered, I ate some breakfast, and we got our bags ready to go!  We fed Aggie and away we went.  

On our way in it was starting to rain.  We were at Cox's Honey near Renegade when a van pulled out in front of us.  My heavens!  I started to get upset and Devin reminded me that it wasn't worth getting upset over.  We were safe, T was safe, and that's all we wanted! 

We checked into Labor and Delivery and they got us into our room.  Those room's are GINORMOUS! They had my bed, a couch and a recliner.  They also had room for a small army.  

6:45 AM my nurse, Aubree, gave me the pitocin.  It really didn't hurt at all.  She gave me something that would numb it (I don't remember what she gave me..) and that stung for like 0.3 seconds. I sat there for what seemed like forever..but was probably only about an hour. She did a cervix check to see how far I was dilated, I was dilated to a 3!  On centimeter more than the week before!!

I was hooked up to a machine that read baby's heart rate and then one that read my contractions.  I wanted to go and walk around the floor so Aubree was so sweet and she hooked me up to a wireless monitor.  It was much more comfortable too than the other one.  Devin walked around with me and I feel like it took us forever to make one lap! My contractions were coming in full swing.  They would stop me in my tracks and make my toes curl!  It felt like my insides were getting an Indian burn.  It hadn't been very long since I got the IV for pitocin, so when I asked for the epidural, I felt like I was giving in early.  I was just assuming that I was only dilated to a 4 at most.  I got my epidural at 9:44 AM and Aubree checked my cervix.  Turns out, I was dilated to a 6!! That made me feel less "wimpy" about getting the epidural when I did.  

Dr. Charles Shields was my anesthesiologist.  My work actually does the billing for the anesthesiologists here in Logan, so it was fun to put a face to his name! It wasn't as bad to get as I thought it was going to be.  My only issue at this point was that I was throwing up and my toes were literally curling the contractions hurt so bad.  Devin and Aubree both sat in front of my while Dr. Shields gave me my epidural to help distract me and keep me from moving while he gave it to me.  Honestly, it didn't hurt at all. 

At 10:29 AM Dr. McCulloch came and broke my water.  That was the weirdest feeling I have ever felt.  Remember when you were really little and you'd wake up and just know that you wet the bed? (No? Just me?...this could be embarrassing...) It was like 100 times worse.  It was so warm and gooey feeling and I literally had no control over what was happening down there.  Not long after the epidural--my mom, dad and LaDawn showed up.  

The epidural made me super tired, which honestly was really nice.  I didn't get a lot of sleep that night since we were up calling the hospital every couple hours. I fell asleep for literally 12 minutes when all of a sudden Aubree and Devin are waking me up and putting me on oxygen.  At 10:41 AM Tanner's heart rate dropped to 50 BPM.  Since I was sleeping, I had no idea.  Devin got really worried and left the room to go to the nurses station, but as he was going there, there were three people (Aubree and some aids) on their way to my room cause they saw on their monitors at the station that his heart rate dropped.  They turned my pitocin completely off.  They decided that it was the pitocin that made it drop so low.  After they turned it off, they kept my oxygen on and his heart rate started to come back up.  Devin said that that moment was when he really felt like a dad.  He was just so worried about Tanner and whether or not he was going to be okay.  

The next few hours were nice for me.  I literally slept.  I could still hear people talking.  I could hear my mom and dad and LaDawn all conversing with Devin, but I can't really remember what exactly they were talking about.  Devin's dad came up and saw us and brought Devin Chick-Fil-A for lunch.  I watched a couple of episodes of F.R.I.E.ND.S on my cell phone, checked Facebook, and took another nap.  The time was surprisingly going by quickly.  I was shocked.  I thought it would be a slow day.  At 2:00 PM, Aubree came to check me and I was "complete"!  I was dilated to a 10 and 100% effaced.  She said that once that happens, they like to wait an hour so that baby could naturally come into the birth canal.  She told me she'd be back in about half an hour and then at 3:00 we'd start to push! (Unless T had other plans.)  

Remember how I mentioned that the delivery room was big enough for a small army?  Well that's pretty much what I had in there.  My dad left the room and went out to the waiting room.  That left Devin, my mom, Devin's mom, Aubree, and like seven other people who were there training and apart of the NICU team.  I actually got to have one of my childhood best friends in the room with me too.  Aubree came to me and said that there was a nurse there who knew me and she wanted to make sure that I was ok with her being there.  If I was uncomfortable with it, she wouldn't attend.  At this point, so many people had already seen my hooha that I really didn't care.  As long as she was okay with it, I was okay with it.  She grew up three houses down and we hung out quite a bit.  It was actually kind of nice to see another friendly face in there.  

At 2:47 Aubree told me that we could start pushing.  She could see baby's head already and said it was go time!  Devin was very helpful with this part.  They had my legs up in the stirrups and every time I had a contraction, I would push and Devin and Aubree would bring my legs up to my stomach.  I was nervous that I would poop on the table haha....but thankfully I did not! I just gave it all I had.  I wanted him here so bad and I was so nervous that I figured if I don't give it my all, we'll just be here longer.  The feeling in the room for me was so special.  It was overwhelming in almost a spiritual way.  Here I was, bring my child into the world and he was leaving our Heavenly Father.  I couldn't help but cry.  Devin was crying too.  He doesn't cry very often, but he later told me that he couldn't stand seeing me in pain.  I told him that was sweet of him, but I couldn't feel a dang thing!  For that, I was grateful for!!  

At 3:32 PM our little boy entered the world.  My biggest fear happened too.  When Dr. McCulloch pulled him out, he had his umbilical cord wrapped around his neck twice.  Thankfully, he was okay. It was the weirdest feeling when he came out.  I could feel him squirming so it was just weird.  Indescribable actually. They placed him up on my chest and all three of us cried.  He was just so perfect.  Devin cut his umbilical cord and then the nurses all took him away so that they could do whatever it was that they do.  

I'm very glad that I chose to not have a mirror at the end.  Devin said it looked absolutely horrendous down there.  I did have to have a couple of stitches, but thankfully my recovery has been very good.  We were able to spend about an hour and a half after everything was cleaned up as a family, just the three of us.  I couldn't have asked for more perfect day.

Devin took notes the entire day of what was going on, and what time events were happening at.  He noted that when we left on Thursday morning that the leaves were vibrant yellow and that the Wellsville Mountians were covered with clouds.  An hour or two after Tanner was born, the Wellsville's cleared and we had a beautiful blue sky to enjoy.  

We stayed Thursday and Friday night in the hospital because Tanner had pooped while still in the birth canal, and he was a little bit jaundice.  The hospital food was actually very, very good! Devin and I both enjoyed it.  We were able to come home on Saturday morning and having him in our family has been beautiful.  He was meant for us and we just can't picture our life without him.  

Welcome to our family, Tanner William.  Dad and I hope and pray every night that we can be the best parents to you.  I hope that you grow up knowing just how much you are loved and how much everyone cares for you. 

August - Jackson, baby shower, Kendal leaving

A lot has happened in the last couple of weeks.  Devin and I went to Jackson Hole with his family, my mom and LaDawn threw me a baby shower, and we sent Kendal on his mission.  I don’t even feel like I’ve been able to sit down and breathe for like the last 3 ½ weeks.  Not to mention all the craziness with getting ready to welcome our little guy to our house.

August 17-19 we went to Jackson Hole.  I was seriously so nervous that I wouldn’t be able to go this year.  I’ve been have some sciatic nerve pain and I was very fearful that it would just be too much.  Devin’s family has wanted to do one last trip as just the five of us before baby came, and luckily everyone’s schedules lined up so that we could go that weekend.  This year we saw 14 moose!  A lot less compared to the last time we were in Jackson, but still a fantastic number!  We left Friday at about 1 PM and when we got to Jackson, we went out to the park and immediately started looking for wildlife.  We had driven all over the place and we literally hadn’t seen anything.  Every other trip that we’ve gone on, we’re usually able to spot an animal within the first hour or two of getting there.  I was getting really discouraged!  We were just starting to head home when Devin thought he saw an elk.  While we were backing the car up to view the elk, Derik spotted a mama moose with twin babies!  They were so far away though we couldn’t really get any decent pictures.  We started to drive back to the hotel when we came upon what park rangers call “moose jams”.  It’s pretty much when people find an animal to take pictures of, so everyone and their dog pulls off the road to take pictures and it can get a little tight in some places.  Like a traffic jam – only they have “moose jams” or “bear jams”.  We ran into two “moose jams” making our total number of moose seen on Friday night, five.

Saturday morning we got up bright and early like we always do, and headed up to Jackson Lake Lodge.  I always love going up to Jackson Lake Lodge.  We went up and had our moose pancakes again.  The buffet is super expensive, but Jedd and LaDawn wanted to try it out since they weren’t there with us last year when we did it, so we decided one more time would be alright.  We ate our moose waffles and watched the beauty of the Teton Mountains.  Unfortunately, we weren’t able to see moose while eating breakfast like we did last year, but the views were still spectacular.  Saturday we went up Signal Mountain.  We’ve never done that before.  We did things a lot differently this trip then we have other trips. We went and explored new areas that Devin found while doing some research online.  It was actually quite fun!  Signal Mountain was beautiful.  You get to the top and you can literally just see the entire national park.  So much land for as far as your eyeballs can see!  We tried a new driving spot out by Wilson.  Devin has read about how a bunch of people have seen moose just hanging out there.  We drove by and as soon as we turned onto whatever street we were supposed to be on, I am not even kidding when I tell you there was this bull moose just chilling on someone’s front lawn.  Can you even imagine waking up and finding a bull moose on your front lawn?! That’s like one of my biggest dreams. Seriously.  Not even 5 minutes later, we saw another bull moose walk down a mountain and just lay down at the base.  Again, right in someone’s backyard!  We went back to the Gros Ventre river and found a 3 ginormous bull moose!  One was so close too.  It actually made me nervous for how close he was to us.  Devin and I bought little boy two new books and a stuffed elk.  He has a stuffed bear and stuffed moose already so I wanted him to have a stuffed elk too.  They are just so gosh danget cute!

The following weekend was a super busy weekend for us too.  My mom and LaDawn through me a baby shower on the 25^th.  It was fantastic!  I cannot even express the gratitude that Devin and I felt with everyone who came out to support our little guy!  We had such a great turn out and it was such a good time!  By the end of the day though, I was literally exhausted.  I was so tired.  We had chicken salad sandwiches, fruit and veggie bowl, assorted cookies and brownie bites!  Everything was so delicious.  We also had a blue punch.  We had the Mixed Berry Kool-Aid flavor, mixed with 7UP.  It was sooo good! We will definitely be making that for other parties and get togethers.  

The day after my shower, was Kendal’s mission farewell.  He was supposed to leave on September 26^th to go to the MTC according to his mission call.  However, because he speaks Spanish already, he tested out and they changed his departure date to the 5^th of September.  It was easiest to do his farewell and my shower on the same weekend so that my dad’s family who lives in Idaho could attend both.  He is such a good speaker.  It was so nice to be able to go back to my home ward for a little bit.  We’re in the 7^th ward right now, but the 3^rd ward will always be the true ward. ;)  

With Kendal getting ready to leave, we have spent A LOT of time with my family.  We’ve been going over to their house every night between his farewell and when he left to play volleyball at nights.  If you know my family, you know that Sunday’s are our family game night.  We take these games so seriously.  With me being as pregnant as I am, I haven’t played at all.  Also, because Kendal was gone doing summer sales this last summer, we didn’t play any volleyball during the summer because of me being pregnant and dad having a hernia.  But believe me, we made up for it these last two weeks!  It has been such a blast.  They boys had a game night on Friday the 31^st, Saturday and Sunday. (We didn’t work on Monday.) On Friday night though they went all out.  D bought a bunch of pop for them to drink and then he bought 60 chicken tenders from Burger King.  (Sean ended up buying 20 more because they didn’t think that 60 was sufficient…) They were up til after midnight playing whatever it is that they play.  Halo I think?  I don’t know. I went to bed at like 10.  Saturday night we went to the rodeo in Wellsville with them.  It’s a nice little tradition that Wellsville has the weekend of Labor Day.  Kendal’s boss from summer sales in Kentucky actually did a bunch of events in the Saturday night portion so it was fun to cheer them on! (Camille and Cody Wadsworth) Sunday I went to my sacrament meeting and Sunday school, and then I went to my parent’s sacrament meeting so I could be with Kendal on his last Sunday here.  

Monday was Founders Day.  We have a tradition with Devin’s family where we have breakfast and then head down and watch the parade.  We had pancakes, sausage, bacon, eggs, and hashbrowns.  It was so yummy!  We watched the parade up on the hill by the purple church like we do every year.  It’s such a nice little tradition that Wellsville does every year.  It makes me so sad that each year the parade is shorter and the booths dwindle down at the square.  Oh well, I suppose that’s part of growing up and evolving, right?  It’s just not the thing to do anymore.  We went and spend the remaining day with my family.  I feel bad that we’ve neglected Devin’s family so much the last couple of weeks, but I just wanted to spend some time with my brother before he was gone.  D’s been very supportive of that.  We played our last game of volleyball as a family for at least two years.  This is when the crying started. Tuesday (September 4^th) I knew was going to be a rough day.  I thought for sure that it was going to be the longest day of my life.  Mondays are tough, but I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – Tuesdays that feel like Mondays are the absolute worst.  So I was expecting it to be awful.  Surprisingly it went by quite quickly.  Dad and mom went to the temple with Kendal since he was leaving the next day.  After they went to the temple, mom, dad, Kendal, Allie, and I went to lunch at Pizza Pie Café.  It was so nice to be able to go to lunch with Kendal before he left.  We went down after we got home from work and ate dinner with them and then just hung out until about 10.  President Hancock came and set Kendal apart as a missionary at about 9:30. 

Kendal leaving on his mission

Like I just mentioned, Kendal was set apart as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints on September 4^th.  Kendal and I have not been the closest of siblings, but we’re not the pair of siblings that just absolutely do not get along.  There’s a six year age difference between Kendal and I.  When he was born, he made child number three for my parents.  I was old enough then that I could help out a lot more.  I changed the diapers that I could, I would help feed him.  As he got older to (as did I) I would get him breakfast in the mornings and take him outside and play on the trampoline during the summer.  For me, as I am the oldest child, I feel the need to protect all my siblings.  I tell people all the time that Allie and Lindsie are strong enough and mean enough that they could take care of themselves if anything every happened.  My brothers on the other hand, are very tender hearted.  They are just the sweetest things.  I remember when Kendal went to his first movie by himself with some friends, I told Devin that he was just absolutely too young to do that.  He wasn’t old enough to handle that and what if something happened? I don’t know what word is the correct word to use right now, but it has taken a lot for me to grow up (is that the right word?) and realize that the three littles are growing up too.

When Kendal got set apart, I have to be 100% honest in the fact that I couldn’t keep my eyes closed during that prayer.  I just wanted to stare at him.  When Kendal started to cry, it absolutely just broke my heart.  He has the saddest face when he cries.  His bottom lip pokes out and the frown that he makes is just heartbreaking.  All I could think to myself was “Do not go.” I did not want him to be old enough or ready enough to leave us for TWO YEARS.  I just had the biggest pit in my stomach.  I feel so selfish for not wanting him to leave.  But then I started to feel regret about all those thoughts that I had.  How can I be so upset at him for doing the right thing?  How can I be mad at him for wanting to give two years of his life to our Lord? I really struggled after he was set apart.  It kept me up for part of the night.  I told Devin how I felt and he understood why I was feeling that way.  But he also made me remember that there are people out there who don’t know what we know—people who don’t get to be with their families for eternity because they are unaware that there is something like that available to them.  He told me to remember what my dad said, moments before Kendal was set apart. “A missionary is someone who leaves their family for a short time, so that others may be with their families for eternity.”  I know that Kendal is doing the right thing by going and serving our Heavenly Father, and for bringing people the gospel of Jesus Christ.  I know it’s what he’s supposed to be doing.  It’s just been so hard for me! I don’t know if it’s all the extra hormones from being 8 months pregnant and that’s what is causing me to think those things or what.  I honestly feel selfish still for even thinking that to begin with, because I know it’s the right thing.  I know that he will be happy and I know that he will be safe.  After talking to Devin about it and saying my own prayer to help me sleep, I woke up the next morning feeling lighter.  He’s going to be ok.  

Wednesday (September 5^th) will forever be (as my mom always puts it) the best worst day ever!  I didn’t know if I would be able to sit in the car to and from Provo, so we decided to just say goodbye to him at the house and just mom, dad, Jason, and Lindsie took him down.  Also, to be honest, I didn’t want to cry the entire way down, and the entire way home.  Devin and I went over to my parents’ house at about 8 that morning and hung out with them until they left at 9.  I knew I was going to cry.  I held it together very well until Allie sang him a song.  She wrote a beautiful missionary song.  She wanted me to sing it with her but there’s no way in heck I could have done that.  After her song, dad said it was time to start saying our goodbyes.  We took pictures.  We laughed.  We blew snot all over his new suit coat.  We hugged.  Kendal really didn’t start to cry until he hugged Devin.  It was the same way when he left to Kentucky. (The little turd!) We stood outside and watched them drive away.  He waved to us as he was pulling out of the drive way and that was it.  That’s the last time that I will see my baby brother for TWO YEARS.  I know I’ll struggle again when Jason leaves.  I struggled when Al left.  I cried and cried while Allie walked into the house and Devin and I walked up front to our cars.  We still had to go to work.  I sat in my car and cried to the point I threw up a little. (Sorry mom and dad!) I cried the whole way into work.  I sat in my car at work for about 5 minutes and cried.  I was finally able to pull my crap together and go to work and I did ok after that.  Mom texted me when they dropped him off and said they did it so fast she didn’t even have time to cry herself!  I was a little relieved honestly to know that he was there.  Once I knew he had been dropped off, I finally felt peace.  I have been more at peace knowing that he’s there with people just like him, wanting to serve our Lord and Savior, than I have been in a week.  The North Carolina Raleigh Mission (Spanish speaking!) has no idea how lucky they are to be getting such a great human being.  They are truly blessed.  I suppose I can share him for a little while, if it means that other people will get to be taught the gospel.  

Dear Kendal,

Yo se que serás el mejor misionero.  Yo se que estas hacienda lo que nuestro Padre Celestial queire que hagas.  Yo se que esta iglesia es veradera.  Se que nuestro Padre Celestial te va a bedecir con los bendiciones que necesitas para cumplir tu misión.  Tienes un gran corazon y se que vas a hacer cosas increíble.  Yo se que Jesucristo vive y que nos ama.  Estoy muy orgullosa de ti.  Te amo con todo mi corazon y nos vemos en dos años. 

Love, Jess.

Kendal leaving the house video.

July 2018

A lot has happened in the last month!  Which also explains why I have not had any time to do a new post.  The week of July 4^th, I ended up going to my foot doctor because I’d been having this awful pain on the top of my right foot.  We spent the weekend of June 30^th in Idaho with my grandparents and when we were out shopping with my parents, it was almost unbearable to just walk.  Since we were going back to Idaho Falls for July 4^th, I knew we’d be walking around a lot and I just knew in my soul I had broken my foot.  I went to my foot doctor and sure enough, I had a stress fracture.  UGH!  He didn’t want to do an x-ray where I’m pregnant, so just from what he could feel on the top of my foot and the pain I was having, he put me in a boot.  That thing was so obnoxious!! I wore that stupid thing for 4 weeks like I was supposed to.  I am very thankful that everything is looking good on it now.  I’m finally able to go on a normal walk without hobbling around town. 

July was filled with hay cutting and fence fixing.  I sure love going to Dry Lake.  I had had enough of not being able to go to Drylake that I ended up wrapping my boot in a garbage bag and going up anyways.  It was so beautiful!! I had to be really careful during the first couple of weeks of July.  Our house didn’t have AC so it got hot, which made me swell.  Because I had to have the boot tightly wrapped on my leg, it would cause some extra swelling.  Again, thankfully everything worked out great!

Since July 24^th is a holiday here in Utah, and it was on a Tuesday, Devin and I decided to take Monday off of work and have an extra-long weekend.  It was so nice!  When we got married, we stayed at the Anniversary Inn in Salt Lake.  We bought a certificate that would expire in 5 years.  Back before I had the job that I have now, I worked a lot of weekends, so this certificate was only good on weekdays.  Well, long story short, here we are 5 years later, certificate about to expire, and we haven’t used it yet!  Now that I work weekdays, we took this “long weekend” as an opportunity to use it.  We left Sunday night and stayed in the Lighthouse Suite.  It was a cool room!  The bed was very uncomfortable, but oh well! 

The next weekend, Devin’s grandparents took us to a cabin for a night in the Uintas.  It’s always so gorgeous up there.  It was much, much greener then it was down here.  We ended up seeing 4 moose in total! 3 cows and a calf.  “Moose seeing” (as I like to call it) isn’t as fun in the Uintas as it is in Jackson Hole.  People don’t pull over to stop and take pictures, nor do the slow down!  I really didn’t even use my camera, which in a way was nice too.  It’s always nice to just enjoy the beauty and nature that God has given to us.  The cabins that we stayed in are always nice.  It had a big deck off the back so we could go out and just sit and enjoy the pretty view.  Boy was it pretty!  We saw a mama deer with 2 fawns cross the river.  We decided to go on a ride about 10-15 minutes later and ended up seeing the same mama and fawns cross the road a couple miles from the cabin.  Man they move quick!!  It was nice to be able to spend some time with D’s family.

August 2^nd my parents decided to take the 2 littles camping.  They just went up the Cub River road up Logan Canyon and parked their trailer up there.  Devin and I had to work on Thursday, so Friday after work we met my parents up at the camping spot and ate dinner with them.  We played horse shoes (I’m better at that game than I thought!), ate a delicious meal, and cooked s’mores!  Devin and I were feeding all my parents animals for them, so we just went home after rather than sleeping over.

Sunday, August 5^th, we had a nice little surprise!  My little brother has been doing summer sales in Kentucky since the beginning of June.  We were down eating lunch after church with Devin’s family when I heard my mom’s truck pull away from their church. (Mom and dad’s ward goes to the church just next to grandma and grandpas house.)  I texted her to see if she was okay because I found it kind of strange that she was leaving in the middle of sacrament meeting.  After a while I got a text from my dad saying that his car wasn’t broken and to be honest, I was so confused! But then the picture came in and it was a picture of mom and Kendal standing on the front porch!  Kendal wasn’t supposed to come home until August 20^th!  The little butt surprised us. Dad told mom that he had to go into work (which does happen sometimes) and when he was coming home he texted mom and said that he coasted down the canyon hill to the park and ride because his car died.  Turns out, he was at the airport picking up Kendal!   He wanted to spend the last month before his mission at home with family. *heart eyes* I was quite surprised that Devin knew about it and he didn’t tell me!  Devin and I have a really hard time keeping secrets from each other.  Not that that’s a bad thing, but it can make things like birthdays and Christmas a little difficult.  I started to freak out when I got the picture of K being home and Devin came running in the living room and was just smiling.  I could just tell that he knew and he knew that I knew that he knew.  (Say that 10 times fast!) He’s known since the MIDDLE OF JULY.  I honestly don’t even know how he kept that.  It’s been nice having K home.  Except I think I’m going to get attached to him being here that it will make it really difficult come September 5^th.  Oh well, guess we’ll see.

BABY UPDATE!

We had our latest baby appointment on August 9^th.  I had to take the dreaded glucose test.  What that means is they are just testing me to see if I have gestational diabetes.  They give you a drink that is full of a bunch of sugar and then exactly one hour later, they do blood work.  Whatever they are looking for in your blood, it gives you a number.  Depending on how high your number is, you may have to do the drink again, but then have your blood tested every 3 hours.  (You ‘fast’ during those hours.) If you test positive for gestational diabetes after that, then you become high risk and will be watched a little more carefully as it could really affect both you and your baby. 

Back to the drink—they gave me the drink at my July appointment.  It had been staring at me in the fridge for a month, almost like it was taunting me!  I was hoping for a little bit of a good flavor with the drink, but I was honestly expecting to gag.  A lot of people too say that it tastes like a flat orange soda.  To me it tasted more like an orange otter pop that had a burning aftertaste. (It’s an orange drink, in case you didn’t know.)  It honestly wasn’t bad at all!  I went to my doctor, had my blood drawn, listened to baby’s heartbeat, and moved on!  I ended up getting a call from my doctor.  Whenever the doctor’s office calls me, it scares me to death!  I did pass my glucose test, however I am anemic.  All that means is that my red blood cells are low which can be common.  They just want me to be on an iron supplement for the rest of my pregnancy.  

Since I have officially reached my third trimester, I get to go to the doctor more often!  I’m going to start going every two weeks.  Once we reach 36 weeks, I will go weekly until our little guy is here!  It’s getting so close!  When people ask how much longer I have, it feels shorter if I say 11 weeks versus 2 ½ months.  I don’t know why it sounds better/shorter to me. Haha! I have finally got most of his nursery put together.  It is honestly my favorite room in the house.  It has more decorations than any other room in the house.  I’m just waiting on a couple of decorations that I’ve ordered online to show up and then we will be all set to go!  My baby shower is in a week from Saturday and honestly I am just so excited.  What an exciting time in Devin and I’s life.  We are so incredibly blessed for the love and support from our family and friends.  We couldn’t be more grateful to have this little boy coming into our lives. 

20 week ultrasound

June 14, 2018 we got to have our big ultrasound! Normally this would have been where we found out the gender of our baby.  Since we were lucky enough to find out we're having a BOY at week 17, we weren't too surprised when the ultrasound tech announced that she to, agreed he was a boy.  Thank heavens! I have to be honest with you, I was a tiny bit nervous that we would go to this appointment and it would turn out that the first ultrasound we had was really just the umbilical cord. Not that having a girl is bad, obviously I would have been happy with whatever, however I have already been planning on a boy!  I've just felt the entire time that we were having a boy.  

I had originally made my appointment for 3:30.  Devin and I had planned on finding out the gender and then having a small gender reveal party directly after.  I put my appointment later in the afternoon so I wouldn't have to go back to work.  Since we found out the gender 3 weeks earlier, I felt that the day was going really slow.  It probably would have been even longer if we didn't know the gender, but oh well haha.  

When we got checked in and the ultrasound tech called us back, she put the gel on my tummy.  For some reason, I always thought that the gel would be super cold!  I always forget and I am always pleasantly surprised when the gel is warm.  She asked us if we wanted to find out the gender -- with all these gender reveals going on, she didn't want to ruin for us.  We told her we already knew and would like a confirmation.  First thing she says when she put the wand on my tummy was "oh yeah, you definitely have a boy!" Next we got to listen to the heart.  I feel like they never let you listen for a long time! It's always so short! It is just so amazing to me the things that you can see on an ultrasound.  She made sure his heart chambers were correct and that they crossed in the right pattern.  She checked his brain, his kidneys and his stomach.  They look so small!  She went back to get the profile picture of him.  I have wanted one of those so bad!! I made the comment to her of, "do people just want to just sit an stare at their babies?" She said yes, and she just let us sit and watch him in the 2D form.  The coolest thing happened, we watch him bring his hand up to his mouth and start to suck on his thumb, but then he did the biggest yawn you've ever seen!  It was just so amazing to me that we just watched our little boy yawn! His little tongue poked out a little and it was all I could do to just not start crying.  It was so cool.  The ultrasound tech even said that he was one of the cutest babies to just sit and watch like that.  The 3D pictures are always a little weird to me.  They just look so deformed!  She gave us a couple of those 3D photos. Again, it's just so weird to be able to see our babies face! I think he has a little piggy-like nose.  I just cant even believe the technology that we have these days.  

After the ultrasound appointment, we were supposed to meet with my doctor.  We got called back and my nurse asked if we wanted to wait 45 minutes because she got called back to delivery a baby.  We decided that as long as baby was ok, we'd be fine just making our four week appointment and going then. 

After the appointment, we went to the new store that opened that day, Logan Outlet.  If you have not been to that store, you need to go!  They are a discount grocery store and a manufacturer's outlet.  A lot of the food is either getting ready to expire or have just barely expired.  Since they have other things other than food, they had a huge selection of baby clothes!  Devin bought 3 little outfits for so, so cheap!! They are so adorable!! 

We are so grateful for the technology that we have and even more grateful that our little guy is so healthy!

Here are pictures from the anatomy scan: