Small Update

Wow! It’s been awhile.. honestly, I’m not even surprised though.  Now that Tanner is mobile and moving around, I don’t have time for things like this blog.  But I promise, I am going to try!  A lot has happened since March.  Just a brief overview:


Went to Yellowstone in June

Tanner got a baby cousin

Went camping

Went to San Diego

Tanner learned to crawl and walk

Went to Jackson Hole

Celebrated Tanner’s FIRST birthday!

Buried my sweet, sweet grandma Bonnie


Things have been a tiny bit rough the last couple of weeks.  Especially with losing my grandma and then having the holidays come up on us so quickly.  Long story short, the found a brain tumor on my grandma back in August.  Devin, Tanner and I were actually at Seaworld when we got the call that they were taking her to the hospital because she fell.  They found the tumor and operated on it.  They got 99% of it out, however it was cancerous and fast growing.  My grandma developed pneumonia while at the U of U hospital and never got strong enough to start chemo.  It was so, so hard to lose her.  Neither Devin or I have lost a grandparent until her.  She died on November 8^th.  Her funeral was beautiful and it gave me the opportunity to look back on the life we had with her.  


Tanner loved traveling this year!  He went on his first airplane ride and slept on both flights!  We absolutely loved San Diego.  We stayed at the Bahia Resort and 10/10 recommend it to anyone.  They were so wonderful! Tanner learned to crawl while we were in Yellowstone and just started walking when we went to Jackson.  He loved it! Now that he is more mobile, he is loving life.  


Devin got a promotion at work.  He is loving his job at Icon.  It’s such a great place for him to be at.  The last couple weeks have been rough, but that only cause they’ve been preparing for Black Friday.  


Christmas is coming up and I SWEAR (I always swear this..) I am going to be better!  I enjoy blogging and typing about our life!! We’ll have to see what happens though.  A lot of my life is on Facebook, so maybe the next post in the next couple of days will just be pictures, highlighting what we’ve been up to!

Favorite baby products and new mom advice

I’ve had a couple of people ask me recently what my favorite baby products are as well as any advice that I have since I am a first time mom (FTM).  I try not to be that person who gives unwanted pregnancy advice..but I just have so much to say!!  I’ve thought long and hard about it and this is what I have come up with!  (These are in no particular order, but the one with a * next to them are ones that I think you absolutely need to have have.) This could be a long post—so bear with me!

*Nose Frida:  This one I recommend 10/10! When I was pregnant and doing my research, this product had 5,000 reviews with like 4.8 stars.  WHAT?! When I first starting thinking about writing this blog, I looked up the reviews again.  Never in my life have I seen a product with 4.5 stars out 9,447 reviews. NINE THOUSAND FOUR HUNDRED AND FORTY SEVEN.  Y’all, that’s a big number.

If you haven’t heard about the Nose Frida you are missing out.  I know you are opening another tab and searching it now, but just let me explain.  I know it looks GROSS.  But I promise you, it is not.  Yes, you are TECHNICALLY sucking your baby’s boogers from their noses. Yes, there is a filter.  Are you gagging yet?  Don’t!  I swear on my child’s life that this is one of the best products ever.  When T was 2 months old he had a pretty gnarly cold.  We couldn’t lay him flat on his bed because he would just have snot draining down his throat and then he’d cough and choke.  I would put this beautiful product in his little nose and just suck in.  I seriously got SO MUCH SNOT out of his little nose!  Not ONCE was there so much snot that it even got remotely close to reaching the FILTER.  Once I was done, I would take it apart and run hot soapy water through it and SHAZAM! Clean.  My dad refuses to use this.  Devin only will if T’s life depends on it. (My dad is an old fashioned bulb kind of guy.)  If you do not have this—BUY. IT. NOW.  You may feel like your sucking your child’s brain through his nose, but it is 100% safe.  Read the reviews too.  I couldn’t believe how many lives this little sucker has saved.  (See what I did there? Haha!)

9,447 reviews came from here on Amazon on 03/06/2019. 

*Gripe Water:  When Tanner was almost a month old he got colic. His tummy would get upset and he would just cry and cry and CRY!  Talk about breaking a mama’s heart!  My little sister (who is now pregnant with T’s baby cousin! Woohoo!) recommended that I look into gripe water.  Man, oh man!  Am I glad I bought this stuff!  Gripe water is used to treat hiccups, colic, general fussiness etc.. We lived off of this stuff for probably 5-6 weeks.  In fact, he was super fussy at work last week and I had absolutely no idea what was wrong with him.  I gave him some gripe water and he stopped fussing!  Tanner has always had the hiccups too.  When I was pregnant, every day between 10 AM and 2 PM I could feel him hiccupping.  Whenever he gets the hiccups, if I can’t get them to go away after a while on their own, I give him gripe water and they’re gone within 5 minutes. 

Usually I try to be a frugal human being when I shop.  I never have to have the name brand stuff, and I’m fine with store brand.  Since I shop at Walmart, their store brand name for baby items is Parents Choice.  Normally when I buy medicine for him or usually any other products, I always buy PC.  (Except for diapers! I like Smith’s Comfort brand the best.)  Gripe water however I prefer name brand.  This sucks for me because the Parents Choice is like $3.00 cheaper!! BUT I have found that the Mommy Bliss brand works much better, making the extra $3.00 totally worth it.  (They have nighttime gripe water—I have personally never tried it.)

Baby Swing:  I should put a * by this one, however I realize that not every baby enjoys swings.  Thankfully for me, mine loves swings!!  The reason that I am putting a swing on this list is because for the first 4 weeks, Tanner slept in his little swing. (GASP! I know.  It’s bad. It’s controversial.  Blah blah blah.)  My baby slept and it was wonderful.  (Now granted, he did not sleep A TON but remember…he was a newborn!) But I felt like he was safest sleeping in his swing which allowed ME to sleep.  It worked for us.  Tanner has tried 3 different swings and he has liked them all!  My grandma Bonnie and lovely aunts bought me my swing for my baby shower.  It works great.  I even put him in it the other day while I did my batches of baby food and he just sat there and sucked his fingers!  I have one at work that is just like the one that my mom has at her house.  Love it!  He sleeps in it while he’s at work with me when its nap time.  I can throw a blanket safely over the top of it to make it darker and he’ll snooze for a couple of hours.  Devin’s parents have a bigger one that is a little deeper.  When Tanner had his big cold, they brought it over and he slept in it right next to me.  I would definitely recommend buying one.  If your baby doesn’t like it, that’s okay! Sell it or save it for your next one. :)  

White noise machine: I didn’t buy a big white noise toy.  In fact, I really didn’t start using anything like that until a couple of weeks ago.  I noticed that Tanner loved his mobile that he got from Santa that hangs above his crib.  Since he still sleeps in our room in his pack ‘n play, I couldn’t transfer the mobile.  When we found out that we were pregnant, my mom bought me this cute little buggie-take-along toy from Walmart.  It has an ocean/white noise button on it – works great!  I’ve been using it at night time when I put him to bed.  It’s quite soothing for me and Devin too!  This is the one that I have. 

*Humidifier:  I feel like every family should have one of these, regardless if you have a newborn.  Are they a plus when you have a newborn?  ABSOLUTELY!  When Tanner got sick, this really helped him not be stuffy.  Especially at night time!  I have a cool mist one which is fantastic.  It’s in the baby section at Walmart.  They have blue or pink.  Because it’s a cool mist one, I can add essential oils if needed.  I add lavender oil at night if I feel like it’s going to be a rough one.  I’ll also add doTerra’s BREATHE oil when one of us has a cold. This is the exact one we have. 

Regular/old fashioned swaddle blanket:  I wanted so badly to be one of those mama’s that used a sleep sack or dream sack—heck I would have been fine with a potato sack!  That just wasn’t in our cards.  I bought numerous kinds of sleeping sacks/swaddles to try and help Tanner sleep through the night.  HE HATES THEM.  If you read my blog, you know that I’ve said that old fashioned is just best sometimes.  I believe this to be true with swaddling my kiddo.  I know there are moms who just swear by these sacks.  Maybe I’m an idiot and I just don’t know how to work them.  I would much rather swaddle T the old fashioned way than use one of those sleep sacks that have the Velcro crap that wakes him up every time you open it or if he adjusts the wrong way.  (If your one of those mama’s that love them..GOOD FOR YOU!! I wish Tanner would use them.) He still enjoys being swaddled, so why mess with perfection? And not to toot my own horn—but I can make a mean baby burrito.

*Sleep gowns:  If you have a tiny new baby and don’t have any of these, ORDER THEM NOW.  I got hand-me-downs from my Aunt Kendra and Aunt Brandy.  I don’t remember who had them, but somewhere in all those great clothes I came upon sleep gowns.  It is literally like a night gown that has elastic at the bottom.  When you are waking up every 1 ½ - 2 hours to feed a baby and then turn around and change them probably 2 times since said feeding—THESE ARE YOUR BEST FRIENDS.  No zippers.  No buttons.  No mess.  Just slide the gown up their back, change those cute little bums and pull it back down.  Since T was born in October, I kept socks on him and the gown and he was just fine temperature wise. 

*Lay down toy:  I know some baby’s only want to be held, but when you’re about to pee your pants and you feel bad for just leaving them in the middle of the floor, just put them under a lay under toy. (It makes you feel less guilty.)  My recommendation for a laydown toy is this: Buy one that makes noise AND has lights!  The toy that stays at our house doesn’t make any noise and doesn’t have any lights on it.  Thankfully, I have a vain little child and he loves to look in the mirror.  The lay down toy I have has a mirror so he can look up at himself.  It’s the cutest dang thing I have ever seen in my life.  My mom has one that lights up and sings songs.  He’ll lay under it for hours.  LaDawn’s toy is pretty cute in the fact that it makes noise and if you turn the lights off, it puts stars on the ceiling!

Gas drops:  I actually quite like having gas drops on hand.  If for some reason the gripe water wasn’t really helping when he was fussy, I would give him some gas drops.  The brand I have (I believe it’s this one) is the best tasting thing I’ve given T too!  

*Heating pad/rice bag: Again with the colic.. Tanner had a really bad episode one night.  Devin’s parents came over to see if they could help calm him down so I could sleep for a little bit.  When I woke up, they were gone.  Devin was asleep on the floor and Tanner was asleep in the swing with a heating pad on his tummy.  (GASP AGAIN! Don’t worry—he’s fine. Doc is fine with it. EVERYTHING IS FINE.)  That heating pad was our life saver that night.  We had it on the LOWEST setting possible and it was on a timer so it wouldn’t hurt him.  To be honest, at first I was a little iffy about using the heating pad.  I didn’t want to burn him.  I had a rice bag, but it was adult size and a little heavy to be on T’s tummy.  My mom made him a little Tanner sized rice bag.  It has been great for him!  Sometimes if I can tell his tummy is really hurting, (especially during naps!) I will swaddle the rice bag with him.  Also nice to keep on hand for mom and dad!

*Stroller with bike tires: There are a million different options when you are trying to buy a stroller.  For my baby shower Jedd, LaDawn and Derik bought us our car seat/stroller combo.  (After our car accident, I will ALWAYS recommend BABY TREND!)  I got the Baby Trend Expedition Travel System.  I loved the reviews and I loved the bike tires!  The strollers with the two little plastic tires just weren’t appealing to me.  I can remember pushing my siblings in some of the strollers my parents had (before bike tires) and you’d go over a rock or a bump and almost dump the kid on their face.  The bike tires are so much smoother!  We are walkers too.  No, not the zombie walkers—go on a nice walk in the spring/summer/fall kind of walkers!  We have absolutely loved our stroller.  (The carrying car seat clips into it, but since my child is a chunky monkey he’s now in a convertible car seat.  We’ll have to see how he does in the stroller without the carrying car seat.)

*Diaper pail sacks:  I do not have a diaper pail.  Ok, well I do, but only at work.  I don’t want to run to the dumpster every time Tanner has a messy diaper.  Anyways—I don’t buy the name brand Diaper Genie or whatever else is out there.  I buy my diaper pail sacks from Walmart.  They’re Munchkin brand and these are the ones I get.  They are supposed to fit any brand of diaper pail, but I’ve just decided that if I put the bag itself on the side of his dresser, no one sees it OR smells it!  I will stuff this bag TO THE BRIM.  It does not leak any smells at all.  Of course, when you open it to put a new diaper in it, you may gag…but I could carry it around the house with no smells whatsoever.  I would absolutely recommend these!  I personally did not want to have to run outside every time Tanner had a messy diaper (especially poopy!) since he’s a winter baby.  No way, Jose!

*Baby Monitor:  Now, you don’t need to rush to the store the minute you have a baby and get a monitor.  I didn’t use one for 2 months.  I had a lot of people give me their opinion on video monitors.  I wanted to be able to see him.  Everyone that recommended a video monitor to me was recommending these monitors that were hundreds of dollars!  Devin had a coworker who showed him his monitor.  It is called the Wyze Cam.  This is a product I always recommend to parents as well.  It is $25.00 on Amazon.  No monthly fee.  It has two way communication and night vision.  It just uses your wifi and all you have to do is download their app.  Devin was going to surprise me for Christmas, but I was being a nagging wife and so he surprised me early.  I literally love it!  Find it here.  

I will try and make this much shorter.  Right now I really only have about 4 topics of advice to share. 

1: DO. NOT. MOMMY. SHAME.  Ugh. I hate that sooo bad!  If someone decides to bottle feed instead of breastfeed—THAT’S OKAY.  A fed baby is best.  If someone uses cloth diapers instead of disposable – Bless that mama and keep your opinion to yourself!  Co-sleeping or independently sleeping? Doesn’t matter what you think.  They are trying to do what is best for THEIR baby.  Not your baby.  I bottle feed my baby and it made me so mad when people look at me and say “your baby is missing out on all those nutrients from you!”  The heck he is!  Have you seen my baby? He is 4 months old and weights 18.9 lbs.  I would say he’s doing just fine.  Somedays T will sleep the entire night by himself.  Other nights, he needs his mama and he sleeps with me and D.  I have no shame in that.  My baby is happy, and you can tell that he already knows how loved he is.  Please do not mommy shame.

2: Follow your gut.  You’re mama (and daddy!) instincts are there.  You will be surprised at how natural everything comes to you.  If you feel like you should be doing something, do it.  No shame at all.

3: When starting your baby on solid food, start them on their vegetables! My mama taught me that.  If you start them with fruits, of course they are going to love the sweetness.  Starting with veggies first will hopefully get them to eat them and get them used to them.  Sweet T loves his peas! 

4: I read on these pregnancy/mom apps about how much people hate their mother/father or their mother in law/father in law.  WHAT?! I read about how they wouldn’t trust their child to them with a 10-foot poll, just because they don’t like them.  Don’t be like that.  If it is for the safety of your child to not be in contact with someone in the family, I get that.  I really do.  But don’t deprive your child of seeing either grandparent just because you don’t like them.  Obviously they raised you or your spouse and they turned out alright.  (I am assuming? I think D and I turned out okay! LOL!) They are going to give you advice.  It’s what mothers do. (and what I am currently doing..haha) If it’s not something you like, just nod your head and move on.  If they are doing something with your child that you don’t like, stand up for yourself and your child and say something about it.  A decent human being will respect you and your choices as your child’s mother/father.  Families are the best thing in this entire world.  They are not kidding when they say it takes a village to raise a child.  It is not a joke. (BTW—when people say “they say” or “when they say”..who is “they”??) 

I hope you take this information and use it to make the best decision for YOU and YOUR family. These are what works for my family.  They may not work for yours and that's okay!

New car, therapy, Valentine's Day and Seaquest!

Few things have happened since my car accident.  We bought a new car, celebrated LOVE day and went to SEAQUEST! 

I briefly mentioned in my last post about buying a new car.  On January 28^th, I took the day off of work to go to SLC with my mom, dad, Tanner and sister Lindsie.  Lindsie had an appointment down at Primary Children’s.  Long story short, Lindsie has juvenile rheumatoid arthritis.  She’s been taking these shots every week for a long time now and she has to go down to Primary’s and have some tests done.  I found a car that I wanted to look at in Midvale, so I tagged along.  This was a big step for me.  I would never have dreamed about buying or looking seriously at a car without Devin there.  He wasn’t able to get work off.  He knew though, that this car is pretty much my dream car. 

I have always wanted a crossover.  I think they’re roomy, and where in the summer/fall we travel a lot, I just have always pictured myself in a jeep-like vehicle.  Devin was 100% fine with me going and looking at it.  My dad would be there to look at the mechanical side of it, and be able to help me make a decision.  He said it was my choice and if I felt like it was a good car I could buy it.  I was already clear down there, if I liked it—I wasn’t coming home without it. 

The car that I was looking at was a 2010 Red Ford Edge.  SERIOUSLY MY DREAM CAR.  I don’t know why, I just love the way it looks.  I think it looks like a “classy mom car”.  Long story short, my dad test drove it with me, checked under the hood and I loved it enough that I decided I was going to buy it.  Where I was buying it from a broker instead of a dealership, they were quite stingy with the price.  I paid a couple hundred more dollars then what I wanted to spend, but I love it anyways.  It’s candy apple red, black leather interior, the whole roof is pretty much a sun/moon roof.  They have the moon roof over the back seat which I LOVED.  I wanted Tanner to grow up being able to look out it too.  We pretty much live with the glass showing.  The seats were big enough for me and D to sit comfortably up front while having Tanner behind either one of us.  So I did it.  I made a big girl decision and bought a car that Devin hadn’t even seen.  I honestly felt so weird buying it without him!! Thankfully it has been great so far (knock on wood…) and Devin really enjoyed driving it!

Life has been getting a lot better since the car accident.  I was seeing a therapist for a couple of weeks.  It really helped me to be able to talk to someone else about what happened that wasn’t family.  (No offense fam!)  A couple of days after the car accident, I started to have nightmares.  I would dream about the accident and every. single. dream. Tanner died in it.  I would wake up sweating.  I would get in the never ending cycle of thoughts where I would picture him dying in the car accident, or I would picture myself dying.  It was a rough couple of weeks, I have to be honest.  The therapist that I was seeing really helped.  The tips and tricks that she shared with me have really helped me pull out of a “funk” when I get in one.  Every time I would think about the car accident, my chest would get so tight.  It literally felt like someone was sitting on my chest.  I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t focus, I couldn’t think of anything else except for repeating different scenarios.  One of the tricks that she taught me was the 5-4-3-2-1 method.  What that basically is, is a technique to reground yourself when you feel like you are losing control of your thoughts.  When I can feel myself starting to slip into these thoughts and cycles, I’ve been able to pull myself away from them using this method and it has seriously been a blessing in my life. 

The 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique uses your senses.  All five of them.  When you start feeling like you’re losing control, all you need to do is find:

5 things you can look at. 

4 things you can feel.

3 things you can hear.

2 things you can smell.

1 thing you can taste. 

If you are unable to do any of those, think of your favorite smells, or your favorite thing to eat.  I get so focused on trying to find those things when I’m in a “funk”, that it distracts me.  I don’t feel consumed by what was bothering me anymore.  When I’ve finished the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique, I have been able to sit back and be like “Okay, I don’t need to think about the accident.  What happened, happened.  We’re all safe.”   Seeing the therapist really helped me to be able to forgive the other driver too.  I have to admit—I was dang angry.  How close he came to hurting my baby just upset me so much that my blood would boil.  I feel at peace now and I know that things are ok.  I can’t be mad at him and I needed help forgiving.  It’s the greatest feeling in the world when you can forgive and forget.

Valentine’s Day came and went.  Of course, with a baby, nothing too exciting happened.  Tanner spent V-day with my mom.  Devin and I were able to go to lunch together really quick.  I don’t need the big, fancy restaurants to make me feel like Devin loves me.  I know he does.  So you know where we went? Wendy’s.  It was delicious.  I made him a big candy bouquet from Tanner and I and in return, they got me a beautiful opal necklace—Tanner’s birthstone.   It was a beautiful day.

Since Tanner and I didn’t have to go to work on Monday, Devin took the day off so we could spend some time together.  It was so great!  We took T down to Seaquest in the Layton Hills Mall.  WHAT A FUN PLACE!  We were waiting in line and I see this lady walking around with a snake.  Guys, my whole body shivered.  EWWWW.  I was trying to be a good mom though and let Tanner see the yucky thing.  She asked Devin if he wanted to touch the snake and he just shook his head like…NOPE! I couldn't do it either and Tanner cried after looking at it, so that was the end of that! haha! 

Seaquest was so much fun!  We saw baby alligators, seahorses, snakes, spiders, stingrays, sharks, crabs, turtles, birdies and lots of fishies!  We ate lunch at Red Robin (YUM!haha..) and really enjoyed the time that we spent together as a little family.  It was so much fun watching Tanner try to follow the fish as they were swimming all around and he really liked the stingrays!

One more thing I forgot to mention.. Tanner get's a baby cousin in June and we found out the gender.  We're getting a...…...GIRL COUSIN! Woohoo!! can't wait for Tanner to have a little best friend to hang out with.  So excited for Sean and Allie! 

CAR ACCIDENT 01/17/2019

You guys.  I almost can’t even type this post.  It makes me nauseous thinking about it.  I do know though, that in later years, I will want to remember this day.  Kind of. 

January 17^th was weird.  Tanner and I went to work like we do every other day.  I can remember driving down the road after leaving my house and thinking “man, it would be horrible if we got in a car accident.  What would it do to my glasses?”    I can also remember thinking, “I have a great little car here! Wow, we are so blessed to have two functioning cars!”  I can even remember what Tanner was wearing.  His “adventure” onesie with blue and white striped pants that had a raccoon face on the bum. (So cute!)

I left work five minutes earlier that day.  WHY DID I LEAVE FIVE MINUTES EARLY?  I put Tanner in the car and we drove home.  They always say that accidents happen within a couple of blocks from your house.  (Devin always says, well duh! That’s where you drive the most!) I know that there is a cop in our ward who lives on the corner of one of the intersections that I drive by on my way home.  I remember looking at my odometer to make sure I wasn’t speeding.  I would be so upset if I got a ticket!! I looked to the right—nothing.  Look to the left, saw the officer pull into his driveway, I sighed a sigh of relief and then BAM.  I see red in front of me.  All of a sudden my face hurt.  I couldn’t see.  My horn was blaring.  Tanner was screaming.  Honestly, I was so freaking confused.  When I finally realized what had happened, (really only like 5 seconds had passed, but it felt like FOREVER) I grabbed my glasses and found my phone.  I got out of the car and the police officer who had just pulled into his drive way was already there.  I called Devin who had heard the accident and was driving around the block to come and find me.  (The weird thing about this is usually Devin drives south an extra block farther than what I do, then heads west up to the house..this day, he went the same way that I went.  He barely missed us getting in that accident.)

I was trying to get Tanner out of the car and I couldn’t get his door open.  Naturally, I start having a massive anxiety attack.  It was awful.  I was shaking, couldn’t get the door open, Officer Jensen (from our ward) was so sweet and he just walks over and he opens the other door.  I pull Tanner out and turn around and there’s my mom!  I was so confused.  I don’t know how she got there so fast.  Turns out, her and my dad were taking Lindsie to piano when they saw my car turned all funny.  My mom saw me get out of the car to get Tanner when she noticed the police lights.  Then it hit them that I had just been in an accident.  They had barely missed seeing the accident too!! Dad said he didn’t even have the truck stopped before she was jumping out of it to come and help me.  My mom looked him over and determined he was ok.  She took him out of his car seat to wrap him in a blanket and feed him.  I’ve never heard him scream like that.  I felt horrible.  I still feel horrible that I put him in that kind of a situation.

I was bawling.  I was freaking out so bad.  The other driver ran a yield sign causing the accident.  He caught me by complete surprise.  I can remember looking to my right to make sure it was clear, then looking the other way.  I ALWAYS am so cautious about going through an intersection in Wellsville because people don’t follow the signs!  (Labor Day weekend 2016, a car blew through a yield sign just ONE BLOCK north of my accident.  Hit a truck pulling horses and tipped the trailer on its side.  We were living with grandma and grandpa on the corner.  Thinking of that noise still makes me cringe.)  As my mom was taking care of Tanner, Devin was trying to keep me calm.  I was shaking so bad.  Devin went to make sure the other driver was ok, so my dad was hugging me and I was literally just so confused.  HE CAME OUT OF NOWHERE.  Devin called his parents to tell them what happened.  They came down to make sure we were all ok.  (Perks of living within ½ mile of BOTH parents!) My dad called Allie to come and get Tanner.  I wanted him to go home and be some place warm.  It was so sweet of her to come and pick him up for me.  I also had an ambulance come just for him.  I wanted to make sure he was ok and thankfully they cleared him!!

At this point, I was starting to notice that everything hurt.  My neck hurt.  My back, my legs, my feet were killing me.  I could tell I must have bit my tongue.  Everything was starting to sink in.  I was sitting in Devin’s truck writing my statement when I looked outside and couldn’t help but be grateful for all the people that came running.  I remember running outside to the help the people back in 2016 and I was so grateful that people did the same for us.  I went and looked at my car.  Poor Phoebe.  She was a disaster.  The whole front end of my car was squished.  I guess I hit the other guy so hard that it turned him 180 degrees.  I always hate the looks I get when I say that “I hit him”.  Yes, I am the one who hit him, but it wasn’t my fault.  I don’t quite know how he got turned around like that. 

Finally, after what seemed like HOURS, the main police officer over all car accidents in the valley, came to tell us that their computer isn’t working right so we can head home and he’ll drop by what he needs to in about a half an hour.  Lucky for me, this police officer went to school with my older sister.  He was always so nice to me!  I was so happy to see that it was him that would come and talk to us.  While we waited for him to come to the house, Devin’s grandpa brought us chili for dinner.  Officer Woolstenhulme showed up and dropped of the ‘Driver Information Exchange’ paper.  He then proceeded to list off all the things that this other driver was charged with.  He said he wanted us to be aware that the other driver admitted to him that he didn’t see the yield sign and that he was charged with: Failure to yield, possession of marijuana, possession of drug paraphernalia, and a DWI.  He said that even though he passed his field sobriety test, he admitted to the officer that he smoked a joint earlier in the day.  WHAT?! Oh my gosh.  I was flaming pissed.  This kid could have KILLED MY BABY.  No joke.  If I had been 1 SECOND earlier in the intersection, he would have hit me.  He would have hit the back passenger door—right where Tanner was strapped in his car seat.  Can you imagine the hell I would have raised?  After Officer Woolstenhulme left I told Devin that I was happy he told me all of this once I was home.  I think I would have lost it.

I have honestly tried so hard to not be angry at this situation or at the other driver.  I tried praying for him.  I prayed that he would understand the choices that he made and be able to accept the consequences in his life, whether they be good or bad.  I keep trying to have gratitude for the fact that my sweet baby boy is alive and that he has a mom to raise him.  I’m having a hard time with it honestly.  All last week while we were car searching, I kept asking Devin “why me? Why me?!” I HATE car shopping.  I hate dealing with auto insurance and feeling like I have to babysit them to get the job done.  Devin finally sat me down after I said “why me?” and told me it could be worse.  HE could be the one saying “why me? Why is my wife and baby dead and I’m left here all alone?” That really hit me.  I felt awful for whining and asking why me over something so silly.  I have to remember though that it’s not silly.  It was a traumatic accident. 

I finally found a car I love.  My mom, dad and I went and bought it on Monday. (28^th) I couldn’t drive it home on the freeway.  I had my mom drive it.  I had to drive it home from Ogden though and I made Lindsie ride in the car with me so she could be with Tanner because I was afraid of doing it alone.  Any time Tanner gets in the car with my mom or dad, or even Devin, I feel my chest tightening.  I KNOW they are all safe drivers.  I also know that if anything ever happened while he was with them it would be an accident, but my brain still just makes my chest close off.  It eats me alive.  I’ve decided it would be best for me to go and talk to someone about it—and that’s ok.

I am so thankful for everyone that has helped Devin and I.  Our neighbors brought Devin and I dinner last week.  They were so sweet and concerned about the accident.  It was nice to not have to worry about dinner since I was so worried about car shopping.  I’m thankful for my parents and that they let me drive their car around for a week until I could find and buy a new one.  I’m grateful my in-laws have been there to watch Tanner while Devin and I were car shopping.  I’m grateful for all the people that helped us that night.  Most of all I’m so grateful for my Heavenly Father that he allowed my sweet baby to be safe.  Things could have turned out so differently than what they did.  Even if I had to buy a new car and have a little bit of bodily injuries, I will take that. 

Blessing Day

January 6th will always be a great day in our family.  Today is the day that we blessed little Tanner in church.  What a special day it was! It also happens to be Tanner's great grandpas birthday.  Grandpa Donald turned 80 today!! 

Since grandpa's birthday was today, we did a dinner last night at Maddox.  LaDawn has a younger brother, Gerald, who was adopted when he was a baby, and he surprised grandpa for his big day.  Gerald is living in Oregon with his wife, Claire.  I'm not going to go into much detail, but Claire is suffering from a couple of brain tumors.  Due to her not being able to be left home alone for very long, Uncle Gerald flew down yesterday morning, and left early this morning.  A quick trip, but it was great to see him. We missed Claire and send our love to her.  

Lucky for me, LaDawn kept Devin's blessing outfit.  Tanner got to be blessed in the exact same outfit as his daddy!  Those kinds of things are always so special to me.  I feel like it's family history.  Hopefully, I will be able to keep the blessing outfit and Tanner's boys could use it too.  (If he want to!) Tanner looked so handsome wearing it! 

God works in mysterious ways.  Yesterday, Devin literally had no voice.  He was so worried that he wouldn't be able to speak and give Tanner his blessing.  His dad and brother came over and gave him a special blessing.  This morning he woke up and has been talking like nothing has happened.  The blessing that he gave Tanner was beautiful.  He blessed him with everything a mother could want for her child.  It really was just wonderful.

Last night it snowed literally all night long.  We got probably close to 7 inches.  Due to the fact that it was snowing so bad, some of our family wasn't able to make it to his blessing.  We were sad they weren't here with us but so, so happy that they were home safe. It was scary driving even in just Wellsville!  We met at my parents house after sacrament meeting and had a baked potato bar.  Delicious! 

I'm so grateful for the church in our lives and for the power of the priesthood.  I'm so grateful that Tanner came into our life when he did.  This snowy day tuned out just perfect! 

Two months and the holidays!

Holy moly!  It is not a joke when people tell you time flies when you have kids!  I can’t believe my little munchkin is TWO MONTHS OLD.  What is this nonsense?! Tanner turned two months old on Christmas Day.  He loves bath time, is smiling up a storm and finally got to announce that he’s getting a cousin in JUNE!! Woohoo!! We went to his two month check up on the 21^st of December.  What a big boy we have!  He is 24.75 inches long and 13.5 lbs.  What a chunk!  His percentiles are 99% in height, 81% in weight, and 73% in head.  He got his first set of vaccinations and he bawled.  The 21^st was a rough day for Tanner and I.  I had a dysplastic mole removed in North Logan, drove to Brigham City and went to the dentist, (no cavities! –just had 3 calcium deficient spots filled) then drove all the way back into North Logan to take Tanner to get his shots.  We were both cranky and tired. 

On December 15^th, Tanner met Santa! Santa comes to the fire station in Wellsville every year.  Santa drove around town with the fire engine siren blazing to let everyone know he had arrived!  We drove down to the station and got a cute picture with Santa!  After meeting Santa we dropped T off at my parents’ house.  Devin’s family had tickets to see Bar J Wranglers in Logan and I don’t think they would have appreciated a crying two month old.  They are so good!! I honestly wish I could sing decently.  I loved seeing them and hearing their versions of Christmas songs. 

Christmas this year was a little bit different.  Kendal was noticeably absent.  While we did miss him for Christmas, my family had two visitors stay for the week of Christmas.  Our friends from Mexico (who are my age) Eduardo and Leonardo Urbiola, came and stayed over for the week.  They are going to school up at BYU-I and they’ve never had a true American Christmas before.  Their story is really quite cool.  When we moved down to Mexico, they were being taught the lessons by the missionaries.  They’re mom had recently died (I think right before they got baptized?) and they didn’t have much contact with their dad.  They became a big part of our family.  Of course Allie and I (and later Kendal) had a lot to do with them because of mutual.  We’d see them every Friday and Sunday.  They ended up both going on missions (they’re twins if you haven’t guessed this already) and are now studying accounting in Rexburg.  It was so much fun reminiscing about life in Mexico and being able to speak a little bit of Spanish with them.  We took them to the lights down at temple square (I took my dad with me to Tanner’s appointment so we could then go and pick up a 12 passenger van! It was so much fun!!) and played board games and just enjoyed time with family. 

Christmas Day:  Christmas is kind of stressful sometimes for D and I.  Both families live within 3 blocks of us, so it’s always where do we go first, who do we see now, are we going to offend anyone?  This year went better than I thought.  We opened presents with Tanner just the three of us on Christmas morning.  Tanner got a new crib mobile from Santa and a bunch of books and toys from mom and dad.  Devin and I got new electric toothbrushes, (yay for adulting!) Tanner got Devin a book of “dad jokes”, and he got me a new jewelry box.  After we opened presents we headed down to Devin’s parents for our annual Christmas breakfast.  We had crumbly toast, eggs, bacon and halo oranges.  Devin got a new snowmobiling helmet from his parents and a snowmobile probe from his brother.  I got a new knife set and pans from the Pioneer Woman from D’s parents and the entire F.R.I.E.N.D.S series from Derik.  I just love that show!! After that we headed over to Devin’s grandparents.  We opened gifts there and then played a couple rounds of Chicken Foot.  (Dominoes game—so fun!)

We went down to my parents at about 2:00.  We were scheduled to skype Kendal then.  Oh man have I missed that sweet boy!! He finally got to meet Tanner “in person” for the first time.  When dad held T up to the camera, Kendal started to cry.  As you can imagine, I absolutely lost it.  I had to leave the room cause I was crying so freaking hard.  I really don’t get embarrassed by how much I cry anymore.  I really just try my best to own it… haha!  He’s doing so good.  He got his presents from us and it was just so nice to hear his voice.  He bore his testimony to us in Spanish.  He has such good Spanish! I couldn’t believe how well he was speaking it.  He loves his companion and they have so much fun together.  Kendals gift to the family was very….Kendal haha.  He bought it at the flee market and I honestly am not even surprised in the slightest that he bought it for us.  Any guesses on what he mailed?  A Taser.  He mailed us a freaking Taser.  It looks just like a flashlight.  He sent us home videos of different missionaries (himself included) giving their consents to be tased haha. Of course as the time drew near for us to say goodbye, you could feel how heavy everyone was feeling.  Kendal started to cry.  I hate when he cries.  Every time he cries, I CRY.  I miss him so much and I am so proud of the young man that he is becoming.  The people of North Carolina seriously have no idea how lucky they are. 

Devin and I both had New Year’s Day off.  It snowed the day before, so naturally Devin went snowmobiling.  Him and his best friend Taylor went up to Dry Lake.  From what I gather, they had a blast!  I think he could live on a snowmobile if I let him.  New Year’s Eve Devin and I went and updated our phones.  We got a SUPER good deal on the new iPhone XR’s.  I had to update my phone number.  I’m over it now, but at first I was really struggling with it. (Thank you, anxiety!) I really love mine new phone!  I got the white one and D got the black one. 

Devin and I really, truly had a wonderful holiday season.  We tried really hard to focus more on the reason of the season and I feel it made our holiday a little less stressful.  I’m so grateful for the birth of our Savior. I am grateful that we had Tanner with us the Christmas, kids seriously make the holidays more special!  No matter how old they are!  I’m so grateful for our families and the time we get to spend with them.