Few things have happened since my car accident. We bought a new car, celebrated LOVE day and went to SEAQUEST!
I briefly mentioned in my last post about buying a new car. On January 28th, I took the day off of work to go to SLC with my mom, dad, Tanner and sister Lindsie. Lindsie had an appointment down at Primary Children’s. Long story short, Lindsie has juvenile rheumatoid arthritis. She’s been taking these shots every week for a long time now and she has to go down to Primary’s and have some tests done. I found a car that I wanted to look at in Midvale, so I tagged along. This was a big step for me. I would never have dreamed about buying or looking seriously at a car without Devin there. He wasn’t able to get work off. He knew though, that this car is pretty much my dream car.
I have always wanted a crossover. I think they’re roomy, and where in the summer/fall we travel a lot, I just have always pictured myself in a jeep-like vehicle. Devin was 100% fine with me going and looking at it. My dad would be there to look at the mechanical side of it, and be able to help me make a decision. He said it was my choice and if I felt like it was a good car I could buy it. I was already clear down there, if I liked it—I wasn’t coming home without it.
The car that I was looking at was a 2010 Red Ford Edge. SERIOUSLY MY DREAM CAR. I don’t know why, I just love the way it looks. I think it looks like a “classy mom car”. Long story short, my dad test drove it with me, checked under the hood and I loved it enough that I decided I was going to buy it. Where I was buying it from a broker instead of a dealership, they were quite stingy with the price. I paid a couple hundred more dollars then what I wanted to spend, but I love it anyways. It’s candy apple red, black leather interior, the whole roof is pretty much a sun/moon roof. They have the moon roof over the back seat which I LOVED. I wanted Tanner to grow up being able to look out it too. We pretty much live with the glass showing. The seats were big enough for me and D to sit comfortably up front while having Tanner behind either one of us. So I did it. I made a big girl decision and bought a car that Devin hadn’t even seen. I honestly felt so weird buying it without him!! Thankfully it has been great so far (knock on wood…) and Devin really enjoyed driving it!
Life has been getting a lot better since the car accident. I was seeing a therapist for a couple of weeks. It really helped me to be able to talk to someone else about what happened that wasn’t family. (No offense fam!) A couple of days after the car accident, I started to have nightmares. I would dream about the accident and every. single. dream. Tanner died in it. I would wake up sweating. I would get in the never ending cycle of thoughts where I would picture him dying in the car accident, or I would picture myself dying. It was a rough couple of weeks, I have to be honest. The therapist that I was seeing really helped. The tips and tricks that she shared with me have really helped me pull out of a “funk” when I get in one. Every time I would think about the car accident, my chest would get so tight. It literally felt like someone was sitting on my chest. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t focus, I couldn’t think of anything else except for repeating different scenarios. One of the tricks that she taught me was the 5-4-3-2-1 method. What that basically is, is a technique to reground yourself when you feel like you are losing control of your thoughts. When I can feel myself starting to slip into these thoughts and cycles, I’ve been able to pull myself away from them using this method and it has seriously been a blessing in my life.
The 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique uses your senses. All five of them. When you start feeling like you’re losing control, all you need to do is find:
5 things you can look at.
4 things you can feel.
3 things you can hear.
2 things you can smell.
1 thing you can taste.
If you are unable to do any of those, think of your favorite smells, or your favorite thing to eat. I get so focused on trying to find those things when I’m in a “funk”, that it distracts me. I don’t feel consumed by what was bothering me anymore. When I’ve finished the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique, I have been able to sit back and be like “Okay, I don’t need to think about the accident. What happened, happened. We’re all safe.” Seeing the therapist really helped me to be able to forgive the other driver too. I have to admit—I was dang angry. How close he came to hurting my baby just upset me so much that my blood would boil. I feel at peace now and I know that things are ok. I can’t be mad at him and I needed help forgiving. It’s the greatest feeling in the world when you can forgive and forget.
Valentine’s Day came and went. Of course, with a baby, nothing too exciting happened. Tanner spent V-day with my mom. Devin and I were able to go to lunch together really quick. I don’t need the big, fancy restaurants to make me feel like Devin loves me. I know he does. So you know where we went? Wendy’s. It was delicious. I made him a big candy bouquet from Tanner and I and in return, they got me a beautiful opal necklace—Tanner’s birthstone. It was a beautiful day.
Since Tanner and I didn’t have to go to work on Monday, Devin took the day off so we could spend some time together. It was so great! We took T down to Seaquest in the Layton Hills Mall. WHAT A FUN PLACE! We were waiting in line and I see this lady walking around with a snake. Guys, my whole body shivered. EWWWW. I was trying to be a good mom though and let Tanner see the yucky thing. She asked Devin if he wanted to touch the snake and he just shook his head like…NOPE! I couldn't do it either and Tanner cried after looking at it, so that was the end of that! haha!
Seaquest was so much fun! We saw baby alligators, seahorses, snakes, spiders, stingrays, sharks, crabs, turtles, birdies and lots of fishies! We ate lunch at Red Robin (YUM!haha..) and really enjoyed the time that we spent together as a little family. It was so much fun watching Tanner try to follow the fish as they were swimming all around and he really liked the stingrays!
One more thing I forgot to mention.. Tanner get's a baby cousin in June and we found out the gender. We're getting a...…...GIRL COUSIN! Woohoo!! can't wait for Tanner to have a little best friend to hang out with. So excited for Sean and Allie!
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