January 17th was weird. Tanner and I went to work like we do every other day. I can remember driving down the road after leaving my house and thinking “man, it would be horrible if we got in a car accident. What would it do to my glasses?” I can also remember thinking, “I have a great little car here! Wow, we are so blessed to have two functioning cars!” I can even remember what Tanner was wearing. His “adventure” onesie with blue and white striped pants that had a raccoon face on the bum. (So cute!)
I left work five minutes earlier that day. WHY DID I LEAVE FIVE MINUTES EARLY? I put Tanner in the car and we drove home. They always say that accidents happen within a couple of blocks from your house. (Devin always says, well duh! That’s where you drive the most!) I know that there is a cop in our ward who lives on the corner of one of the intersections that I drive by on my way home. I remember looking at my odometer to make sure I wasn’t speeding. I would be so upset if I got a ticket!! I looked to the right—nothing. Look to the left, saw the officer pull into his driveway, I sighed a sigh of relief and then BAM. I see red in front of me. All of a sudden my face hurt. I couldn’t see. My horn was blaring. Tanner was screaming. Honestly, I was so freaking confused. When I finally realized what had happened, (really only like 5 seconds had passed, but it felt like FOREVER) I grabbed my glasses and found my phone. I got out of the car and the police officer who had just pulled into his drive way was already there. I called Devin who had heard the accident and was driving around the block to come and find me. (The weird thing about this is usually Devin drives south an extra block farther than what I do, then heads west up to the house..this day, he went the same way that I went. He barely missed us getting in that accident.)
I was trying to get Tanner out of the car and I couldn’t get his door open. Naturally, I start having a massive anxiety attack. It was awful. I was shaking, couldn’t get the door open, Officer Jensen (from our ward) was so sweet and he just walks over and he opens the other door. I pull Tanner out and turn around and there’s my mom! I was so confused. I don’t know how she got there so fast. Turns out, her and my dad were taking Lindsie to piano when they saw my car turned all funny. My mom saw me get out of the car to get Tanner when she noticed the police lights. Then it hit them that I had just been in an accident. They had barely missed seeing the accident too!! Dad said he didn’t even have the truck stopped before she was jumping out of it to come and help me. My mom looked him over and determined he was ok. She took him out of his car seat to wrap him in a blanket and feed him. I’ve never heard him scream like that. I felt horrible. I still feel horrible that I put him in that kind of a situation.
I was bawling. I was freaking out so bad. The other driver ran a yield sign causing the accident. He caught me by complete surprise. I can remember looking to my right to make sure it was clear, then looking the other way. I ALWAYS am so cautious about going through an intersection in Wellsville because people don’t follow the signs! (Labor Day weekend 2016, a car blew through a yield sign just ONE BLOCK north of my accident. Hit a truck pulling horses and tipped the trailer on its side. We were living with grandma and grandpa on the corner. Thinking of that noise still makes me cringe.) As my mom was taking care of Tanner, Devin was trying to keep me calm. I was shaking so bad. Devin went to make sure the other driver was ok, so my dad was hugging me and I was literally just so confused. HE CAME OUT OF NOWHERE. Devin called his parents to tell them what happened. They came down to make sure we were all ok. (Perks of living within ½ mile of BOTH parents!) My dad called Allie to come and get Tanner. I wanted him to go home and be some place warm. It was so sweet of her to come and pick him up for me. I also had an ambulance come just for him. I wanted to make sure he was ok and thankfully they cleared him!!
At this point, I was starting to notice that everything hurt. My neck hurt. My back, my legs, my feet were killing me. I could tell I must have bit my tongue. Everything was starting to sink in. I was sitting in Devin’s truck writing my statement when I looked outside and couldn’t help but be grateful for all the people that came running. I remember running outside to the help the people back in 2016 and I was so grateful that people did the same for us. I went and looked at my car. Poor Phoebe. She was a disaster. The whole front end of my car was squished. I guess I hit the other guy so hard that it turned him 180 degrees. I always hate the looks I get when I say that “I hit him”. Yes, I am the one who hit him, but it wasn’t my fault. I don’t quite know how he got turned around like that.
Finally, after what seemed like HOURS, the main police officer over all car accidents in the valley, came to tell us that their computer isn’t working right so we can head home and he’ll drop by what he needs to in about a half an hour. Lucky for me, this police officer went to school with my older sister. He was always so nice to me! I was so happy to see that it was him that would come and talk to us. While we waited for him to come to the house, Devin’s grandpa brought us chili for dinner. Officer Woolstenhulme showed up and dropped of the ‘Driver Information Exchange’ paper. He then proceeded to list off all the things that this other driver was charged with. He said he wanted us to be aware that the other driver admitted to him that he didn’t see the yield sign and that he was charged with: Failure to yield, possession of marijuana, possession of drug paraphernalia, and a DWI. He said that even though he passed his field sobriety test, he admitted to the officer that he smoked a joint earlier in the day. WHAT?! Oh my gosh. I was flaming pissed. This kid could have KILLED MY BABY. No joke. If I had been 1 SECOND earlier in the intersection, he would have hit me. He would have hit the back passenger door—right where Tanner was strapped in his car seat. Can you imagine the hell I would have raised? After Officer Woolstenhulme left I told Devin that I was happy he told me all of this once I was home. I think I would have lost it.
I have honestly tried so hard to not be angry at this situation or at the other driver. I tried praying for him. I prayed that he would understand the choices that he made and be able to accept the consequences in his life, whether they be good or bad. I keep trying to have gratitude for the fact that my sweet baby boy is alive and that he has a mom to raise him. I’m having a hard time with it honestly. All last week while we were car searching, I kept asking Devin “why me? Why me?!” I HATE car shopping. I hate dealing with auto insurance and feeling like I have to babysit them to get the job done. Devin finally sat me down after I said “why me?” and told me it could be worse. HE could be the one saying “why me? Why is my wife and baby dead and I’m left here all alone?” That really hit me. I felt awful for whining and asking why me over something so silly. I have to remember though that it’s not silly. It was a traumatic accident.
I finally found a car I love. My mom, dad and I went and bought it on Monday. (28th) I couldn’t drive it home on the freeway. I had my mom drive it. I had to drive it home from Ogden though and I made Lindsie ride in the car with me so she could be with Tanner because I was afraid of doing it alone. Any time Tanner gets in the car with my mom or dad, or even Devin, I feel my chest tightening. I KNOW they are all safe drivers. I also know that if anything ever happened while he was with them it would be an accident, but my brain still just makes my chest close off. It eats me alive. I’ve decided it would be best for me to go and talk to someone about it—and that’s ok.
I am so thankful for everyone that has helped Devin and I. Our neighbors brought Devin and I dinner last week. They were so sweet and concerned about the accident. It was nice to not have to worry about dinner since I was so worried about car shopping. I’m thankful for my parents and that they let me drive their car around for a week until I could find and buy a new one. I’m grateful my in-laws have been there to watch Tanner while Devin and I were car shopping. I’m grateful for all the people that helped us that night. Most of all I’m so grateful for my Heavenly Father that he allowed my sweet baby to be safe. Things could have turned out so differently than what they did. Even if I had to buy a new car and have a little bit of bodily injuries, I will take that.
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